Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
