Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm getting married
To pizza
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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