My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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