I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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