you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
