My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
