Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she peed on how many people?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
