I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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