I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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