every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
