all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
