Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Randomize
