I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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