paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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