proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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