she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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