happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
