Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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