Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
