Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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