the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
