Sponge bath it is.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
