Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
