I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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