Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
