Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
