You made me cry and you don't even care
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
