If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
