I heard we made out
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
