Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
