This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
