omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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