I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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