I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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