do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
