That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
