you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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