I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
