im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
