i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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