1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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