He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
