I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
