Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
