he puts the penis in happiness.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
