I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
