She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
