It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
