i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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