you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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