I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
