Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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