Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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