I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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