I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
