I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
